


Portrait

by ponyjockey



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2019-01-16 22:18:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12351675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ponyjockey/pseuds/ponyjockey
Summary: Feyre attempts to paint a portrait of Cassian and Nesta for their new apartment, but Cassian can't sit still.





	1. Sitting

“Damn it Cassian, stay still” Nesta said for what felt like the hundredth time. When Cassian had suggested they have Feyre do a portrait of them for the new apartment Nesta hadn’t thought about the fact that it would require sitting, which Cassian was dreadfully bad at. 

Feyre had them seated on a bench in the garden of the townhouse. Cassian’s arms were wrapped around Nesta and her legs were stretched out on the bench. It was supposed to look comfortable, Feyre had said, like they were quietly lounging in the garden, but it was just not something she and Cassian ever did. The portrait didn’t feel like them but Cassian and Feyre really liked the idea, so Nesta had been overruled. For the last hour Nesta had been honing her inner calm as Cassian squirmed, fidgeted with his hair, and poked Nesta in the back with the pommel of his sword every five seconds. 

“This was your idea Cassian, and if you don’t stop poking me with that thing then we are done here.” Nesta whispered, her temper flaring. 

“I thought you liked me poking you with my thing” Cassian whispered back pecking Nesta on the cheek. 

“Not funny” Nesta retorted. She was hot and uncomfortable and did not have the patience to deal with his innuendos right now. Feyre on the other hand was so concentrated on her canvas she didn’t seem to notice Nesta and Cassian’s bickering, a feat with her fae hearing. 

“Feyre,” Nesta shouted across the garden. Her sister did not respond. “Feyre” Nesta shouted again clapping her hands. At that, her sister finally looked up from her work. 

“It’s coming out great. Just sit tight for another half hour or so and I should have what I need”. Feyre said amiably. She definitely hadn’t noticed Nesta’s discomfort. 

“Would it be alright if we took a break? This dress is too hot and the bat is driving me nuts” Nesta asked with an exasperated look at Cassian. 

“Hey!” Cassian retorted. “Here I am trying to do something nice to decorate our new apartment, and all you’re doing is complaining”. 

“I wouldn’t be complaining” Nesta said trying to control her burgeoning rage, “if you would learn to sit still for one damn minute. You’re acting like a child”. 

“And you, Nesta my darling, need to relax”. 

That was it. Nesta was done. No one, not even Cassian, told her to relax. She stood up and marched back into the townhouse. She would apologize to Feyre later, but for now she needed to get away from Cassian before she strangled him. 

They had been talking about moving in together for months, but now that the move was here Nesta was antsy. Living with a male when she wasn’t married was never something Nesta would have considered, but the customs in Velaris were more relaxed than what she was used to. Cassian had been spending almost every night with her in the townhouse and with Elain, and Rhys and Feyre there, it was getting crowded to say the least. Nesta told Cassian she was thinking of renting her own place and he suggested they look for somewhere together. Nesta tried to think back to the happiness she felt when they signed the papers for their new apartment, but all she could think about was how much he got under her skin today. 

This stupid portrait was his idea, but he couldn’t accomplish the simple task of sitting still for a few hours. Nesta knew that she was making a big deal over an insignificant annoyance, but it wasn’t just the portrait. She was nervous about living with Cassian. They got on each other’s nerves so much and though they made up easily and their relationship was also filled with intense passion, Nesta wasn’t sure she could handle it every day. She loved him, in her own way, but he was exhausting. Nesta knew she was equally exhausting and an immortal existence of fights over Cassian not cleaning his shoes before entering the house, or leaving his leathers on the floor was not what she wanted. 

Maybe this wasn’t the path that she and Cassian should be on. Maybe like Rhys’ parents, they were just not right for eachother. Nesta knew she didn’t deserve Cassian with his easy smiles and unflinching loyalty, but she thought that she had gotten over that. She thought that she was finally happy, but she was also tired. She was tired of trying to live up to Cassian’s ideal of her, tired of telling him to wash the dishes, tired of the bickering, tired of the making up. She was tired and maybe, she thought as Cassian started knocking on her door insistently, no doubt wanting to apologize, she and Cassian weren’t meant to have a happily ever after at all.


	2. Walking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Nesta locks herself in her room, Cassian wanders the streets of Velaris contemplating the intoxicating, challenging female he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

Shit, he’d really done it now, Cassian thought as he ambled away from the townhouse and into the bustling center of Velaris. He’d knocked on Nesta’s door for a solid five minutes without any response before giving up. He needed to clear his head. What on earth had he done to upset her so much? It was just a painting, and Nesta usually enjoyed his constant energy. It was the balance to her constant coolness. 

Cassian didn’t get what had pushed her over the edge. Why wouldn’t she just talk to him? Cassian ambled through the streets of Velaris and found himself on a familiar street in front of a familiar restaurant. When she pulled away from him, like today, it was comforting for Cassian to remember the night of their first real date. Remembering her boldness at the restaurant and her smile, a true smile not the grimace she usually favored, made him forget whatever petty fight they were having and head home, but not today. Something was different about this argument. 

Since this powerful, stubborn, confusing woman had entered his life, Cassian’s world had been turned upside down. Nothing he thought mattered for the last five hundred years mattered anymore, apart from his family of course. But things he used to take pleasure in, drinking, training, the occasional night of dancing, everything felt muted compared to the way he felt when he was with Nesta. The intensity and pure love she brought out of him was unlike anything he’d ever experienced. She was the thought behind each of his actions. He no longer made decisions for honor or for his people, he made them for her. And that was the problem, wasn’t it? Cassian never did anything half-assed, his love for Nesta was all consuming, it had taken over his life. Cassian hated to admit it, but his position was suffering because of it. 

He had kept it from Nesta, but a few months ago Rhys had been forced to squelch a disturbance in one of the Illyrian camps because Cassian had completely forgotten to tell the general that he would be receiving additional forces at the beginning of the following month. There had not been enough supplies for the new batch of Illyrians. It had been a mess. He and Nesta had been in a huge argument and Cassian was planning a special dinner for her to help make up for whatever it was he had done, and that’s why he had forgotten to alert the general. It was stupid, and the first time he had ever been so careless. Rhys had given him an earful and was now closely monitoring Cassian’s duties, all because he had been so obsessed with Nesta that he couldn’t concentrate on anything else. 

Cassian reached his favorite spot in the city, a square with a few benches surrounded by merchants and restaurants. It wasn’t special, which was why Cassian liked it so much. It was quiet and the one place in Velaris he felt like no one would bother him. He bought a drink from one of the vendors and sat down, leaning back to take in the sun. 

Everything since he had met Nesta had been a whirlwind. Being around her and keeping his head at the same time was completely impossible. He knew from the first moment he laid eyes on her that she would uproot his whole existence, but maybe the upheaval had been too much after all. He missed the constancy of his position. It was all rules and order and protocol and for someone as scatterbrained as Cassian he had needed the dull, but necessary structure to keep himself from doing something completely stupid. Maybe his personal life needed the same structure. As Cassian drank in the heat of the Velaris sun a thought crept into his mind from where he’d been keeping it buried deep, perhaps Nesta wasn’t the start of his life as he’d hoped, but the end of it. 

~~~~~

“Cassian? Cassian, wake up!” a voice called from far away. Cassian opened his eyes to find Elain Archeron looking down at him curiously. He was sprawled across a bench and the sky above was dark. He’d fallen asleep. Strange, he’d only had three drinks. Although not so strange, he thought as he sat up, since he hadn’t slept much the last week as Nesta had become rather fidgety in her sleep and kept kicking him. 

“Cassian, are you alright?” Elain asked softly. It never ceased to surprise Cassian that this delicate, soft spoken female was Nesta’s sister. Their demeanors could not have been more different. If Nesta had found him passed out on a city bench she would have kicked him awake and said “Bat, have you grown so dumb that you can’t find your way home through a city you have lived in for hundreds of years?”. The thought made him smile.

“I’m fine. What time is it Elain?” Cassian said gently. 

“It’s only just past nightfall. I came to get some new seeds to plant tomorrow. Would you like to walk with me back to the house for dinner?” Elain was being very tentative, even for Elain. She must have noticed something amiss with Nesta, not that she would ever share that with him. Elain was on Nesta’s side forever and always. The middle Archeron sister was a complete mystery to Cassian. Feyre he could read like the back of his hand, and Nesta was generally thinking the opposite of what Cassian thought she was, so he had gotten pretty good at reading her too, but Elain held everything in so well Cassian could never figure out where her mind was. It was unnerving to Cassian. He had always been a good judge of character, one of his few talents, he thought as he stood up and motioned for Elain to lead the way back to the townhouse. 

They walked in silence for quite some time. The silence pulled Cassian back into his tumultuous thoughts about Nesta. Hopefully she would have calmed as he slept in his square and she would greet him at dinner with a kiss and a terse apology. This was nothing they couldn’t handle. They had been through much worse than a squabble over some painting. He could deal with the chaos of his relationship and still concentrate on his work. He could do this. Cassian was nothing if not hard working. Sure he liked to play the part of the lazy goofball, but several lifetimes of feeling less than had honed his work ethic into a machine. He could do this. He and Nesta would be fine. 

“Nesta went to the cabin for a few weeks. She won’t be at dinner” Elain said gently. Cassian jumped at the disruption of his thoughts. 

“What?”

“She said that she needed to clear her head. She asked me to give you this”. Elain pulled a letter from her pocket and handed it to Cassian. 

Cas,  
I’m sorry, I just need some space. Don’t come to the cabin. I’ll be back before the  
beginning of next month. I’m fine.  
Nesta

Cassian stopped dead as he read the letter. Elain turned and seeing his lifeless face muttered something about meeting him back at the house before rushing off and leaving him standing in the middle of the street with the two line note. I’m fine? What the hell was that supposed to mean? Before he could think better of it, he spread his wings and was airborne. Screw the note. He was going to the cabin and he would make things right with Nesta.


End file.
